Friday, January 15, 2016

all hail the kalafa (sic et non)


select words and music by W.A.S.P., “Shotgun,” Golgotha (Austin, TX: Napalm, 2015).

when your madman’s raised to king
and your starving babies scream
one world, one king. . .
and freedom [is] long dead and long gone
a slave in chains don’t never change his song
grab a torch, a pitchfork and [git] your guns

you gave’em hope and you tied the [noose]
dead man’s bones don’t lie. . .

tonight hail the king a shotgun. . .
hail to the king a shotgun

and you cheered y’alls clown to king
till your tongue’s too numb to scream
ooh, the promise of tomorrow is long gone
and the whip keeps pounding down now
from the head that wears the crown
the plantations cotton’s rotten so long

***

Those who live by the sword shall die by the sword. . .

***

[Yes, I’m an inspector and this is supposed to be an inspector blog. But not really. For the two or three people who read it, you know that it deals with things beyond your faulty light switch or plumbing material. The thousands of other inspectors and sites can help you with that stuff.

An apology. (an ancient word for defense) First, I am a person, part of the human stain spread across the planet. Second, I claim the One God in Jesus as the one, only God. Third, I like to ponder and think about things all over the place, including philosophy, god-ism ("theology"—things relating to God and so-called gods and their relation to humans past, present, and future; evil/good), history, etc. etc. Frankly I inspect part time, at least as far as my mind goes. Fourth, the world news shouts itself daily in a way never before experienced in terms of content, knowledge, clarity, ubiquitousness. Fifth, even for those who have but a dim interest and knowledge of history, consider the parallels of the modern mass of lemming-devotees who are ever-willing to grab their shotguns (ala. kalashnikovs / toyotas / mausers / nagans / swords / shields with crosses / crossbows / . . .), claim without a shadow of doubt that they know god and what their big, bad garbage-god wants, and run off to blast a few humans into eternity for the stercus glory of their respective gods or political systems? Is this a new concept?! Dissertations have and could be written to infinity, but a few prominent examples. Was not Alexander a servant of his god, his human hand god’s very hand? Octavian? The long and blood-soaked list of self-proclaimed ishmaelite spokesmen unto now? Theodosius the Great? The popes unto this very day? Catholics, Crusades and inquisitions? Lenin/Stalin? The great Orpah W. and Dr. Pills of our day? (sic) The current western political and religious heads and the vapid “god bless you’s” that emanate from their mouths in their endless drones? The gods are ever on the side of whatever leaders are speaking for the moment. It has ever been so and will always be so. And so this blog entry, intended for the endless kalafae of the past, present, and to be. With the eironeia (irony) that I so love. With gratefulness to you, Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P., for standing for the One Lord of Golgotha. For your mysterious, wonderful words. For the contrast of what you were in relation to what you are now.]

Friday, January 1, 2016

SentriLock Realtor Lock Boxes

Selections from a letter to the SentriLock Management. 12.2015. This is a company that produces realtor lockboxes that hang on door handles to access a property for sale. These are electronically controlled and activated; they can apparently be activated from the internet and from bluetooth devices. How convenient they must be for realtors who want to cut back with their hands-on work.


SentriLock Management:

12.15
I am a home inspector. Know the following.

I despise your product! Your product is intended to serve and facilitate, and for excessive profit. Why then, in over sixty percent* of the time I try to use your product, IT DOES NOT WORK?! All the theory and fancy gadgetry in the world means nothing when in the field in hard weather trying to do my job but cannot because of your fancified product. 
Old school contractor boxes anyone? Push several buttons and you are in. 100% success rate in my experience thus far. 
I will proclaim frequent and vocal opposition to your LOUSY product until one simple thing occurs: that it function when I need it to function. It isn't rocket science people, though you have made it thus with all your wireless nonsense.
(This morning, early in the freezing dark, ONCE AGAIN I could not get into the property because of your technologically advanced box!) And yes, I am following all of the proper protocol that your device requires.

C. W.
Home Inspector
domuspect@gmail.com

*a conservative estimate